A few weeks ago, I heard one of my mentors say:
“If you want to live a truly happy life, live according to your own values.”
At first glance, many of us already do that. We have values that are important to us, and we try to align our lives with them. But let’s be honest—it often doesn’t work in every area or all the time.
Over dinner with my friend Massimo, we talked about values and the character of a person. That’s when I noticed something: we often don’t live our values consistently in all areas of life. And when we take a closer look, that inconsistency might actually make us unhappy.
Think about it—each of us plays different roles in life: at work, in a relationship, with our children, or with friends. And in every role, we behave a little differently. Imagine someone who values “respect” deeply. At work, this person insists on being treated respectfully and shows respect to others. But there may be situations where this value is unconsciously violated. For example, when they throw a cigarette butt out of the car window. That’s neither respectful to nature nor to the drivers behind. Or maybe they secretly place sports bets at night without considering the family budget.
Of course, cigarettes and sports betting may not represent disrespect to you personally—after all, the exact criteria for your values are very individual. But the real question is: do you truly stand by your values 100%?
Myles Munroe once said: “A strong character is built by uncompromisingly standing by your values.” Let’s be honest: sometimes we do things that contradict our values. And when we do, it’s usually in secret. Myles had a thought-provoking statement about this:
“If you would feel ashamed if someone found out what you are doing, you’re very likely acting against your own values.”
It’s becoming clearer to me how long the path to a “spotless record” really is. Surely, you’ve also had moments where you thought or said something you wouldn’t repeat in the presence of the person involved. Or maybe you borrowed something and treated it disrespectfully (like a rental car). There are many small actions we don’t even notice, but they ultimately go against our values.
I’ve made it my mission to pay more and more attention to these small things. You might be thinking: “Norman, that’s impossible and, at the end of the day, not such a big deal.”
Anything is possible if you truly want it. And whether it’s a big deal? I’m not so sure on an energetic level.
If, after doing something “forbidden,” you’re thinking about how to hide it, you’re not feeling particularly happy or fulfilled in that moment. You know you’re doing something that doesn’t align with your values, and you hope no one finds out. Even if energy doesn’t resonate with you, let’s break it down into something very practical. The time you spend on these secret activities could be used to truly make progress on things that matter to you. Use the time you spend on sports betting to invest in your professional development. Gaze lovingly into your partner’s eyes instead of ogling a stranger’s butt. Because as long as no one witnesses it, it might feel like it’s “all good”—but what if someone (maybe your partner) caught you? In many cases, it could create storm clouds over paradise.
To some, this might sound nitpicky. But I believe that small dishonesties slowly undermine true happiness. And when others notice that you don’t live by your own values, it becomes hard for them to respect and trust you. In the end, people always follow your actions—not your words.
