Football isn’t exactly my favorite sport — and yet, I found myself listening intently to my speaker colleague and German Bundesliga referee Deniz Aytekin.
He spoke about what it takes to make decisions under pressure — especially when facts are scarce. And then he said something that really stuck with me:
“You need to have a genuine interest in people to make good decisions.”
And there it was again — the human being at the center. And that, oddly enough, is exactly what seems to get in the way for so many companies. Wouldn’t life be easier for them if people were just a little simpler? Wouldn’t relationships be more relaxed — if only the other person were just a “chill dude”? Let’s take a quick look: What is a company, really? Is it the building? The commercial registration? The logo above the door? No. All of that is just the shell. The only truly interesting thing in a company is what’s inside — the people. That’s why people don’t leave companies. They leave other people.
Back to Deniz Aytekin. At some point on his journey, he asked himself a powerful question: “Why did people vote me the worst referee?” At first, he was angry — at the fans, at the press, at the world. But then he realized: “Don’t look for the problem out there. Look inside yourself.” According to Aytekin, that problem often starts in childhood. “I always wanted to be perfect. And for a referee, ‘perfect’ means: no one argues with your decisions.” But that’s not how life works.
“My ego was way too big. Every question from a player felt like a personal attack — so I responded harshly.” In other words: The old Deniz wanted the world to change, so he could stay exactly as he was. And yes — I know that feeling myself.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everything around you shifted — and you could just stay “perfect”?
There’s a great story in the book Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone that fits beautifully here:
A father gives his son a torn-up world map and asks him to put it back together.
A short time later, the boy returns with the map fully restored.
Surprised, the father asks, “How did you finish so quickly?” The son answers: “There was a picture of a man on the back. I put the man together — and that made the world whole again.”
What a beautiful image. If you put the person back together — meaning yourself — the world comes back together, too. Deniz Aytekin did just that. He worked on himself. Was it easy? No. Was it fun? No. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
“Today, I no longer see players as opponents — but as people seeking guidance. And when someone asks for help, don’t you want to help them?” So before you go out to change or save the world — start with yourself. Build internal stability.
Or in Aytekin’s words: “Explain your decisions at eye level. Take the other person seriously — and they’ll respect your decision. Be transparent, communicate proactively — clear on the facts, warm with people.” And to do that, you must first learn to be warm and kind with yourself.
So, let me ask you:
- What will you do this week to get to know yourself better?
- What do you need to give yourself more kindness — before your ego drives you through town again and blames the world for everything going wrong?
Wishing you a clear, grounded, and honest week — from the heart.
