“Why doesn’t my partner just do what’s good for him?” a guest asked me last week aboard the Mein Schiff 3. “What’s good for him – or what you think is good for him?” I asked in return. “Well, how I think he should be…” is what I hear loud and clear – even though no words are spoken. It’s all a matter of perspective.
You are the sum of your learned and lived experiences. You don’t have to like that – but it’s the truth. And the same goes for every other person. People are the way they are because of what they’ve experienced. They’ve been shaped by those around them – their ways of thinking, feeling, acting. By their values and beliefs about right and wrong, good and bad.
So if you want someone to be just like you, they would have had to live your exact life.
With all your experiences. Your conclusions. Your programming. Can you simply let others be who they are, without trying to impose your style, your worldview, your blueprint for life?
You might be thinking: “But Norman, isn’t that exactly what you do in your work?”
No, it’s not. I set up a buffet and invite you to try something new. On this buffet, you’ll find fresh ideas, different perspectives, and empowering beliefs. Because only through new input do you gain the option to choose something else. What you pick up – or leave behind – is entirely up to you. You always have a choice. In everything. What I’m really offering is the possibility of a happier life. Because what if your life actually depended on it? Now here’s where it gets interesting (and scientific):
A study of nearly 230,000 people over a ten-year period found that optimistic people have a 35% lower risk of cardiovascular disease – and a 14% lower risk of dying early from any cause. Why? Because optimism acts like a protective shield. A shield against what? Chronic stress, for example – a real danger to your heart. Optimistic people move more, eat healthier, and maintain stronger relationships. Their bodies respond with lower levels of inflammation and stronger immune systems. Sounds like a pretty solid foundation for a long and fulfilling life, doesn’t it?
So before you go trying to hand out your blue-tinted glasses to others, take a good look through your own lens first. Be the optimistic role model. Be the light. Some people just need a little more time before they’re ready to allow joy and happiness in. Let them walk their path. And walk yours. And when they wonder why you seem so at peace and full of life – believe me: they’ll ask.
