Not long ago, I was on my way to pick up my two boys from school. I got into the car, started driving, and, to be perfectly honest, my mind was somewhere else entirely. After a few hundred meters, I suddenly thought, “Hang on a second. Why am I driving toward Künzelsau? I was supposed to go to the school. Brilliant, Mr. Gräter. Well done.”
The problem was, I couldn't just turn around on that road. So I had to keep driving toward Künzelsau, turn around there, and head back up the hill. My perfect timing had just gone out the window. “Unbelievable. I knew exactly where I wanted to go. So why on earth am I driving in the opposite direction?” The answer was obvious. Because I'd driven that route thousands of times before.
My body apparently knew the way while my mind was busy thinking about something completely different. There was only one mission: “Pick up the kids.” And normally, that meant Künzelsau. Except that on this particular day, it was the wrong destination. And while I was still annoyed about my little detour, a thought crossed my mind: How often do we head in the wrong direction in life simply because we've always taken the same road?
I'm sure you know people who give absolutely everything to their work. Twelve to fourteen hours a day, available in the evenings and on weekends. And of course, even on vacation. And what do these workaholics often say? “I'm doing all this for my family.”
Now, I'm certainly not talking about people who have to work multiple jobs out of financial necessity or those who simply love what they do. I'm talking about people who justify constantly being absent by saying they're doing it all for the people they love.
But what if you actually asked your partner and your children what they really wanted from you?
“I'd love it if you came to one of my soccer games.”
“It would be nice to spend a vacation with you without you constantly checking your phone.”
“A date night, just the two of us, would be wonderful.”
“I'd love for us to spend a normal evening together, instead of you coming home after I've already fallen asleep.”
And what if one day you realized that you'd spent all those years trying to give your family something they never actually wanted in that form? Of course, many people want a good life and a certain level of financial comfort. But wasn't the whole idea to build a life together? Not to become the caretaker of eight cars you can now afford.
I've been asking myself where this idea comes from that we constantly have to achieve more in order to do something good for our families. I believe a lot of it comes from beliefs that have been passed down from generation to generation.
After the war, conditions were terrible. So many people had lost everything. A secure income, a home of their own, and financial stability were major achievements and meaningful goals for many families. Hard work gave people the opportunity to rebuild their lives and provide security for those they loved. And those beliefs were passed down. From grandparents to parents, and from parents to their children. “You have to work hard.” “Work comes before pleasure.” “Nothing comes for free.”
For many people back then, that was important and absolutely right. But does that automatically mean it's still the right path for you and your family today? What's the point of having a ninth car parked outside your garage if there's nobody left you'd love to take for a drive? What's the point of owning a third house if the people you bought it for would actually prefer to spend more time with you in a place that truly feels like home?
After all, your goal was probably never to have a relationship with your cars, houses, or bank accounts. And yet, sometimes we behave like machines. Once a program has been entered, we simply follow it. Year after year. Faster and faster. More and more. And whenever we start to notice that something isn't quite right, that little voice in our head pipes up: “You have to work hard. That's just how life works. You're doing all this for your family. Just one more pay raise, and then I'll slow down. Just one more car, and then I'll have enough.”
Do you really believe that? That you only have to turn one more corner, achieve one more goal, and then you'll be happy forever? How well has that worked so far? Not particularly well, right? Because around the next corner, there's always another corner waiting. And it's calling out, “Come on, just one more corner. Just a little further, and you'll finally have made it!” Meanwhile, your inner taskmaster keeps cracking the whip, calling you lazy and pushing you to keep going.
Maybe the real reason behind your drive isn't even what you think it is. Sometimes, it's about something entirely different. Perhaps the desire for recognition. Or security. The need to finally feel good enough, or to be seen and loved by someone.
“If I can just achieve this one last thing, then I'll finally be seen, heard, respected, or loved.”
And that's exactly why I'd like to invite you to take another look today. Put on those blue glasses and look again. Not to criticize the decisions you've made so far, but to discover whether you're still following your own goals or simply living according to a belief you adopted somewhere along the way.
Look Again. Take another look.
Often, you don't need a better plan. You don't need to become even more productive, work even harder, or reach your destination even faster. Maybe what you need first is clarity about what you truly want to achieve and who you're doing all this for.
To me, inner clarity is the new success factor. Because what's the point of having the best strategy in the world if it takes you faster and faster toward a place you never actually wanted to end up? In our example, that could mean sitting there one day, all alone, surrounded by your twelve cars and five houses. When what your family might have wanted most was someone who was emotionally and physically present. And above all, someone who was actually there.
So I have a little invitation for you this week. The next time you say, “I'm doing all this for my family,” why not ask them what they truly want from you? If you don't know, simply ask: “Kids, what would make you feel that I'm a good dad?” And who knows? Their answers might surprise you. Because from my own experience, I know that the things children wish for are often much simpler to give them than we imagine.
Maybe you'll realize that you've been driving down your own personal “road to Künzelsau” for years, even though you actually wanted to go somewhere completely different.
The beautiful thing is: You're always allowed to turn around. Even if the next opportunity is still a few miles down the road.
