Why true strength does not come from the outside became very clear to me on Friday evening.
I was sitting in a talk by my guest artist colleague and friend Carsten Risse on the topic of burnout. Carsten spoke about the five inner drivers according to Kahler & Caspers:
- Be perfect at all times
- Always be fast
- Always try hard
- Please everyone
- Always be strong
What fascinated me most was observing the audience: nodding in agreement, the quick glance toward a partner. Because we all know these sentences. Some more, some less. For many of us, they have been silent companions for years, surfacing through our thinking, speaking, and actions. And that’s exactly where the problem lies: over time, these attitudes are quite unhealthy.
Because at the core of all these drivers is the desire to please someone on the outside or to prove something to someone else. But what about you? What is your desire?
Esther Hicks has an idea about this that I read in her newsletter a few days ago:
“If you make your relationship with your Inner Being your top priority, and you deliberately choose thoughts that allow your alignment, you will consistently offer the greatest advantage to the others with whom you interact. Only when you are aligned with your Source do you have anything to offer another.
If your behavior is influenced by your desire to keep another person happy, you will lose your Connection to your Source. And it is not possible for you to be happy unless you are in alignment with your Source. Without that alignment, you have nothing to offer another.”
Whichever path you choose for yourself will become your reality. Because your thinking leads your body into action, and at some point, an outcome emerges from that. Take a close look at whether your life is primarily about proving something to others—or about being as happy as possible yourself. Whether that is good or bad becomes visible in the result… or in other words, in your daily life.
“Yes, but Norman, it makes me happy to show others who or what I am…,” you might be thinking. That may be true. But then your happiness depends on other people who think highly of you. And what happens when those people or external factors are no longer there?
The current average age on board the Mein Schiff 3 on this long-term Caribbean journey is just over 67 years. Many people no longer receive praise or recognition in their professional lives. And if that was their only source of strength, a sense of emptiness arises—one you can often see in the faces of these wonderful people: No laughter. No joy. No visible happiness. And no sparkle in their eyes.
And then there are others. They radiate strength and joy. They join Yo-Dance with Kathi, firmly holding their walker, moving along in their own style and at their own pace—with a big smile on their face. And do you know what their life motto is? “I don’t care what others do or think about me. I’m just having fun and doing the best I can.” Or, to say it in Kathi’s words: There are no mistakes—only variations.
Which of these two groups would you like to belong to from now on? Those who wait for praise and recognition from the outside? Or those who find joy and strength from within? Whatever you decide, please be aware that your future life depends on it. Because your beliefs trigger your thoughts, your thoughts activate a feeling, that feeling leads you into action—and then you get a result… in other words, your current life. So if you want to change something in your life, start by changing your thoughts. The rest will follow automatically in this new direction.
Give it a try.
