Have you ever noticed that most people make their decisions based on their past? Every now and then, I hear people say that we have to “face reality.” "Things aren’t really as easy as you wish they were." And yes, reality is what it is. But if you keep focusing on what already exists, you'll simply create more of it, won't you? It's a bit like driving down the same road every day while hoping to arrive somewhere different. True change begins the moment you move beyond your past—and even your current situation—in your thoughts and spend more time getting clear on what you actually want.
Only when you can truly imagine that future do you open the not-so-magical door to something new in your life. Want peace? Then focus on peace. Because constantly looking at war is unlikely to create peace. Take humanity as an example. We've been fighting a war against terrorism for years. Brilliant at first glance. Pretty foolish at second glance. Because as long as we keep fighting the same thing with more of the same thing, very little is likely to change.
What does that mean for everyday life—at work, at home, or somewhere in between? Let's take a completely random example: You're annoyed with someone again. Me against my boss. Me against my partner. Me against my neighbor. Me against the world. As long as you're against something, your focus remains on the challenge that already exists. And by doing so, you strengthen exactly what you'd like to change. You invest energy, resources, and attention into something you actually want to move away from. Or don't you?
You see, the old version of conflict management was: Me against you. We're pulling on the same rope—but in opposite directions. A bit like a tug-of-war. Whoever pulls harder wins. Whoever shouts louder gets ahead. Or whoever lasts longer walks away as the winner. But does anyone really win? What if you and the other person were truly pulling on the same rope— and in the same direction? Then we both win.
Because as long as you place your hand against the other person's hand and one of you pushes, the other will naturally push back to avoid falling over or being pushed away. Now both of you are pushing against each other like fools. It takes energy. It drains your nerves. And over time, nobody can sustain that. What if you simply lowered your hand? And instead of choosing: "Me against you" you chose: "You and me against our challenge."
Suddenly, two people are moving in the same direction. Not against each other. But with each other. Working together to solve what the issue was all along: The challenge. Or, as we often call it: The problem. So instead of staring at the problem, ask yourself: What result do I actually want? And then focus on that. Ask yourself more often: "What can I do right now to achieve that result as easily and effectively as possible?"
Because the most exciting decisions are born from a vision of a future that genuinely excites you. Make decisions from the perspective of your future self—not your past self. Otherwise, you'll continue getting what you've already got. Maybe you don't need to change the world.
Most likely changing your focus is enough. Because wherever your attention goes, your (new) reality begins to grow.
I believe in you.
