“How are you doing? Really? Are you really sure? OK. And how can we change that?”
A set of nasty questions pelted me down when I was at the Baltic Sea for a few days with Anke. I have no idea how she got these questions. Ok, that was a lie. She had already asked me during breakfast what was wrong with me and that she felt my inner pain and this absolute emptiness. Great. Caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I really had to pull myself together not to cry while drying the dishes. Shit.
Let me ask you a completely different question. Have you set New Year’s resolutions? And maybe already broke them? I’m not a fan of “end of the year” resolutions myself. Because we live in the now. And that’s the only thing we have. Now. So, there is only one time to change something. Now.
The day before yesterday I decided to stop posting my daily one-minute motivational clips on social media. It stops right now. There’s something more important than saving the world. Namely starting with myself.
Back to my conversation with Anke. What I realized and I mostly successfully suppressed for weeks is that my inner passion has blown away. Get me right – I enjoy everything I do. I do what I love, learn more about myself and others every day, I am relaxed … and yet something is missing. That little spark that transfers joy from the brain to the heart. In my mind I am happy, only joy does not reach my heart. I just feel nothing. No matter what I experience.
I made the decision many years ago to build a great wall around my heart. And anyone who approached this wall was shot directly without warning. So far, so bad. I had that under control for a long time. Like the Berlin Wall, the physical wall was gone. However, the wall is still there in so many people’s minds. Like with my wall. Stone by stone, the wall got higher again because I skillfully looked the other way. I always had something to distract myself with. Music while running, meditations in the morning, audio books while driving. I liked to avoid being all alone with myself. Because then I would have heard this call from inside because of the growing wall. Like a little child who sings loudly while covering his ears, I have walked through my world and let the wall grow. Every unpleasant experience, every restriction, every delay in my ideas, every incision in my freedom … every time built a new stone. Why? If you don´t feel, you just give a damn what other people say and think about you.
And this wall building ends now. I’m starting my mission (Re-) Connect to Love. Meaning, I’m going to find my real inner feelings. And I’ll take with me every person that wants to know how I’m doing. Instead of daily motivational tips, I will post my ideas, feelings, thoughts and progress on this great journey (back) to myself and into my heart exclusively on my private Facebook page.
Why no longer on Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter and Whatsapp? Because that’s what I decided. I do this for myself and not for the rest of the world. Nevertheless, I know that you may have closed the doors to your heart in a similar way. Whether at work, in your relationship or wherever – things are not going the way you like and to be able to endure the pain, you simply cut back the feelings and do the terminator. So, I’ll let you be part of my journey, because 2022 will only be the best year ever if you and I start creating real joy inside and outside of us. No matter what or who goes crazy on the outside.
I wish you a happy year 2022, with lots of inspiring moments and wonderful experiences, even better health and I wish all of us to return to more togetherness based on love. That we ReConnect J
