“Jeff is so unreliable”. Do you know that feeling when you get upset about others and feel like you could fly off the handle? Whether in traffic, in conversations, at work or at home. There is always an “idiot” somewhere doing something “wrong”.

Imagine something that has been proven right in my world view every time: It has absolutely nothing to do with Jeff that upsets you. But only with yourself.

Let’s assume that Jeff is always late for appointments. And that upsets me. Do you think there are people who don’t get upset when others are late? Sure. There are countries and cultures where punctuality tends to be impolite. You rather should calculate 30 – 45 minutes extra before someone shows up. It is normal to come later. People even give you weird looks when you’re on time because they’re not done yet. This means the anger about something is only in my head.

A certain behavior of someone else is not the matter. Like being late – it upsets me, it might not upset my partner. So, it’s not the behavior, it’s my thinking about the behavior. Please try the following. Next time you get all geared up about “Jeff,” take your thought or spoken sentence like “Jeff is so unreliable” and replace his name with the word “I.” So, “I’m so unreliable”. Now look at where in your life you are also unreliable. Maybe not for appointments, but you’ve wanted to pursue your life’s dream for a long time. Or eat healthier. Or less smoking. Or or or. And you’ve always found good excuses why it’s not working right now. Aren’t you also unreliable … towards yourself?

The moment you solve YOUR issue and finally move your butt in the right direction for you, Jeff no longer upsets you. Because it no longer reflects your own quirks and “mistakes”. And my experience is that the next time Jeff suddenly comes on time without you telling him anything. You have only solved something for yourself within yourself and therefore there is no longer any reason for “Jeff” to reflect your topic to you. 

If you play with the idea and start testing it here and there and really working on YOU, then you will realize that every strange behavior of someone else is just a hint how you can continue to grow and live life happier. Then you suddenly become thankful for all those previously hated situations. Because they can only trigger something in you if there is something in you. Otherwise, stay cool and relaxed.

Have a nice week and remember to use the “I” instead of the “stupid” other’s name.