“Dad, I can’t sleep. Kookoo’s gone.” My eyes lift from my zoom call and meet my sons sad eyes. “Kookoo can’t be gone. Take a look under your bed or in the bathroom.” Five minutes later he’s back. No success. Kookoo, the little gray koala from a McDonalds Kids menu is gone. We’ve had this drama before and Philip’s mother then ordered a South African Kookoo somewhere on Ebay. I’m breathing heavily. “Here we go again.”
Luckily my American friends on Zoom are on their lunch break (it’s 10:15 p.m. for me). So, I get up to find myself (no, not search Kookoo. I want to find him and not search). “Kookoo’s gone,” I hear from upstairs. “Yes, yes. Heard about it” I think to myself. My anger increases. “Can’t the kids watch their stuff? A little while ago I put Kookoo on the stairs.” Then an unpleasant thought occurs. “Could it be that Kookoo has made his way to a new home with the umpteen jackets and shoes I packed for the Red Cross today? Maybe Philips brother put Kookoo there and didn’t know that the black sacks would no longer be in our hallway a few hours later?”
After arguing back and forth I reassured Philip that he should sleep without Kookoo today and continue my “finding” alone. So far, unfortunately, without success.
I wander from room to room and get more and more up tight. Shit in = shit out. I definitely won’t find him with that kind of energy. To turn my annoyed energy, I sit on a chair and close my eyes to breathe. Just breathe. To arrive at that moment. Because the difference between this moment and my yesterday or tomorrow is that this moment doesn’t care if Kookoo is here or not. Or whether I ate or not. Or whether I got three or thirty new assignments this week. Or if I’m happy or unhappy. For this moment, I’m good the way I am. No matter what my ego likes to tell me. I don’t have to do anything, I don’t have to be anyone. I am me as I am. And that is enough.
When your fuse blows up fast and you’re about to explode, sit down and just be in the moment. Let the thoughts come and go. Hold nothing. Be nothing. Do nothing. Just listen to the silence. And in that one second, you’ll realize – it’s all good.
In that sense, I’m more relaxed now than before and I know that Kookoo will show up again later. Kookoo´s already here – I just don’t see him yet. Think positive.
Still, if you happen to work for the Red Cross in Kuenzelsau-Gaisbach… please have a look in the four black sacks in the left of the two old clothes containers. Better safe than sorry. For pertinent leads on the whereabouts of Kookoo Koala, I’ll buy a round of still water.
